I am imperfect

So many times I have to remind myself to be gentle with the hearts of others. It is not as if I go out of my way to nudge, intimidate or wound those around me, it is more like a comic skit gone awry. I get a vision of myself marching into Grandma's house, where all the delicate things lay, carrying a bunch of emotional two by fours and amazed at the destruction I create. I do not wish to bludgeon anyone, nor do I wish the same treatment. I am thanking God that I have become a little bit conscious in the last year or two because it has allowed me to have moments like this one where I have promise of becoming a better man. I see it and then I correct it.

For those of you that have been knocked off your seat by my blusterous behavior or my emotional lack of coordination, I am sorry. There are also many with their own wounds that may mirror my own and to them I say have heart because there is always a door that leads to victory against weakness. Some of these folks mistake my lack of tact or skill as their own limitations because it is easy to get scared when you see yourself in the mirror. I mock no one, I will never intentionally attempt to hurt people unless ordered into battle by God, though often I fail. I know my nature and it is that of good. I make mistakes, as I am intended to do here in this world, but the intentional or unconscious lashing out at the world I did in the past no longer exists.

These words I write are about health, a search for wisdom and doctoring any remaining wounds in my psyche. If you find even a word that helps you in your work, then I am bettered, but writing here is about my attempt to rise above the scars, wounds, warts and ugliness I have been given. They are about my emotional, analytical and psychological view of the world and although you may find yourself reflected in my typing, you will only find criticism aimed at my failings, because it is here that I do the work of getting it out. I am not your editor, your teacher, your parent, your tyrant or your leader, I am your brother and your friend. I care more than you will allow yourself to admit. My love for God and his creations is real and I wish you the same.
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